Actress Nse Ikpe-Etim’s lesbian sister Uyaiedu has accused her former lover and partner, Activist Amara The Lesbian, of being abusive.
Read everything Uyaiedu said about Amara below.
“In the spirit of the New Year I’ll be talking about how Amara abused me and all our friends the entire time we were in a relationship. I wanted to be silent but this babe has made one million videos about it and is calling it her “lived experience”. In what world do you abuse a person for months and then feel justified in sharing that story? Yesterday I reached out to her and told her how her videos were harming me and she told me to speak to my therapist about the “abusive” relationship I experienced. I’ll share the email exchange in a bit. Done being silent and all of you that have been enabling this abuser need to know who she truly is.
I met this babe in 2018. The same night I met her was the first night she (and anyone else in my life) first called me a lesbian. I wasn’t even out to myself but that was a significant moment.
Fast forward to 2019, when I first came out to myself, naturally, Amara was one of the first people I wanted to tell so, I reached out to her and that was how we started talking again.
The relationship was great in the beginning then I started to notice how Amara would scream at the slightest provocation, abuse Yinka, and their physical fights used to scare me. Every day, I would wake up and pray that it would be a good day for Amara. Because if it was a bad day, everyone would suffer. There were days we wouldn’t eat all day because Amara was mad. Let me explain this eating thing.
So, when we first started dating, Yinka and Amara would always wait for each other before eating. I thought it was cute but I never did it. One day Amara complained to me that I ate without her and she really wanted the experience of eating together. Again, I thought this was cute and started waiting. This meant that if Amara was angry, nobody could eat all day and if you did, it would be a huge fight. I remember my friends experiencing this and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t eating but nobody understood how scared of Amara I was.
One of the first times I ever saw Amara and Yinka fight. We had gone out to a restaurant in Abuja with our friends. Amara and I went to the bathroom and we stayed for a bit to talk. Yinka came to the bathroom and spoke to Amara, “babe, you didn’t say anything about what I asked you”. Amara asked her what she had said and Yinka said, “I was asking you if Uyai and I can have sex by ourselves”. Amara immediately started screaming at Yinka in anger. I remember trying to calm Amara and she threw her hand back and hit me in my face.
The reason Yinka had asked this was because Amara had brought me and Yinka together and was always down for threesomes. During the threesomes, Amara would sometimes get uncomfortable and start screaming at us during sex. She would accuse Yinka of saving all her energy for me.
Yinka and I had a connection and we all spoke about it openly and honestly (in the way that people in open relationships do). On some days, Amara would say she loved us and wanted us to work on our connection. But if Amara ever saw Yinka and I talking for even 5 mins about anything at all, she would scream the house down.
I remember when she slapped me that night. I called my best friend crying. My best friend begged me to leave. That night I told Amara I was leaving. Amara broke down crying. She said her father chained her and all she knows is violence and trauma. She told me she’s chased everyone away and begged me not to leave her. You guys, I loved that babe, and every time she abused me, somehow I still managed to see a scared little girl.
Amara’s body-shamed Bibi to her face. She told Bibi and I quote, “I can’t imagine how much you hate your body. If I had your body, I would hate myself”.
Bibi was a huge fan of Amara and was so excited to meet her. Imagine how sad Bibi was because of how Amara spoke to her. On the other hand, Amara would text Kelly and flirt with Kelly secretly.
Whenever any of our friends tried to talk to Amara about how she was hurting them, Amara would scream and gaslight them until they were too scared to talk about her mistreatment.
Bibi got tired and withdrew. She withdrew from me too and I didn’t blame her.
As the relationship was getting more and more toxic and I was withdrawing into my shell, my friends started reaching out to me. Matthew called me many times asking me if I was okay. Matthew saw the abuse firsthand and kept trying to get me to leave. Papa and Mo saw it so many times. One night, in Papa’s frustration, she came and packed my stuff out and took me to a hotel.
When Amara realised I was gone, she called me begging and crying but I refused to go back. The next day, she asked where I was and I told her. She came, begged and cried some more and I went back with her. For almost a week after this, Amara and Yinka barely spoke to me. Before they’d go for their run, Amara would scream at me and guild trip me for leaving with Papa. She even stopped speaking to Papa after this.
Fast forward to early this year Amara and Yinka came to see me in Lagos. They were in my house for almost 3 months and it was fights almost every day.
One day, I told Amara that one of my friends had invited me for her birthda (she had actually told me to bring Amara but I was so scared of Amara creating a scene there so I didn’t invite her). That morning, Amara screamed and cried, saying I didn’t involve her in my life and that my friend must hate her for not inviting her. She went on to mention the names of the executive directors of the NGOs I was working with at the time and told me I had to stop working with them because these women didn’t like her and she suspected that they liked me because of why were they giving me jobs?
One morning, after a really high night, Amara told me about how earlier in their relationship, she stabbed Yinka and almost killed her. She said Yinka was in the hospital for months and she nearly died. I remember being so scared that day and just knowing I had to leave the relationship but I was just too scared of what Amara was going to do if I left.
A few weeks later they went back to Abuja. And a few weeks after, I still went back to Abuja to see her. Because in spite of the abuse, and in spite of how afraid of her I was, I loved her.
This was my last trip to Abuja to see them. It was during this trip and during one of our biggest fights, I knew I had to leave. I couldn’t even say I was leaving, I had to lie that I had a job in Lagos and had to go back. She still cried and screamed at me for not telling her about the job earlier. I lied again that it was last minute. I swear I would have said anything to leave. And I left.
A few weeks before this, I had reached out to Bibi because I missed my friend and we reconnected. So, we planned to see in Lagos. When I got back to Lagos, I planned a double date with Bibi and Kelly, and this woman I was seeing at the time. Someone posted it on their story and Amara saw it. Amara and Yinka both sent me very angry messages for daring to hang out with Bibi. Amara’s even angrier for daring to see someone else. Something I forgot to mention was that in this open relationship, I was never allowed to see other people. Amara was the only one who could have her very public relationship while I couldn’t even as much as speak to other people. Amara was in a relationship with three of us but neither Yinka or I were allowed to see other people.
After this, I spent weeks apologising for hanging out with Bibi without her consent. Yinka refused to speak to me for weeks and when she finally did, that one spent like 30 mins on the phone screaming at me for hanging out with Bibi. She said, “don’t you know that when you hang out with Bibi shortly after Daphne and Matthew have also made up with them, Amara’s viewers will think she’s the one with the problem? Do you want people to think me and Amara are the ones with the problem?”
Omo. I’m shaking as I’m typing this. I can’t believe Amara would be trying to victim blame me, saying I’m an empowered 30+ woman who can’t be abused? WOW. She said I bought tickets and came to her house. Wow, way to victim blame.
Anyway, after the many apologies, Amara started asking when I was coming to Abuja, I kept avoiding the question.
One day, Amara saw my comment on Bibi’s picture. She called me on video, looking so heartbroken. I kept asking if she was okay until she told me about the comment. She now started crying and screaming asking why I would leave a comment on Bibi’s picture. At this point, I was tired and I kept saying I didn’t see why I couldn’t comment on my friend’s picture. Amara responded by saying she was done with the relationship. I was relieved as I said okay and hung up. She started calling me back immediately crying and begging. She said she was going to come to Lagos to see me the next day. I immediately became anxious that she would come and scream at me and my sister whom I live with would experience that and I didn’t want that. So, I said no. She asked if she could buy my ticket for me to come to Abuja so we could just talk. I agreed because at this point, I felt I owed it to her to just end the relationship in person.
She got the tickets but as the days drew close, I started becoming super anxious. We talked and I told her I think I wanted to have a primary partner. I said I was going to keep seeing her but I wanted my own person. Again, she got so mad that I would even suggest a thing like that.
The day before I was supposed to go to Abuja. She called me to talk about this other woman I was just starting to see (the only I went on the double date with). I was very open as I communicated where I was at with this woman. She immediately started to raise her voice and cry actual tears. She knew that raised voices scared me. I told her many times that screaming opens wounds for me that I want to leave closed. I asked her one day why we couldn’t dialogue like adults when we had issues and she replied, “Where’s the fun in that?”
Anyway, as she started to scream, she saw that I was becoming scared and she immediately calmed down, switched her tone and said sweetly, “I’m sorry for screaming, baby. I don’t want to fight you. You’re coming tomorrow and we’ll have sex and everything will be okay”.
I dunno if it was the switch in her tone or just the obvious manipulation, but right there, I knew I couldn’t go to Abuja. The next morning, I told her I couldn’t come because I was anxious and scared.
God. I’m so tired. So fucking tired and I haven’t even said the half of it. But let’s move forward.
In May, Amara sent me an email asking me what I wanted out of a relationship. I said I wanted “ease”. I said I couldn’t do shouting and abusive language. I said all I really wanted was ease. She replied and said she was sorry that she was so hard but she couldn’t give me ease. It was pretty much a break up email and I replied and I thought that was the end of it.
A few days later she emailed again, I responded and it was like exes exchanging emails and checking on each other. My birthday was coming and she asked me what I had planned. I told her. She said she and Yinka wanted to come to Lagos for my birthday. I immediately told her that Bibi and the women I was talking to at the time were going to be there and I didn’t want any drama or awkwardness. She kept begging that there would be no awkwardness, I still refused. So, I had my birthday celebration the day before my birthday because my actual birthday fell on a Monday.
On my birthday, while I was out for breakfast, Amara texted asking if we could do a video call. I told her I was out and would call her when I was back at the hotel I was staying at. I called her after a few hours and she immediately proceeded to start screaming at me. This was on my birthday.
She was mad that I hadn’t posted any pictures or videos from the party I had the day before. She said I was deliberately trying to shut her out of my life. She said she had even found the page of one of the women I was talking to because she knows that was why I didn’t take her video call earlier. That I was obviously in bed with another woman and lied that I had gone for breakfast. She went on and on and I was so drained. So physically and emotionally drained. After that call, I didn’t speak to her for almost two days then I sent another email to her.
This was Amara’s response to what I sent to her. I sent her a WhatsApp message, I told her she was a horrible and toxic person and warned her to never contact me again.
and all the people who don’t have names inside that body. or I don’t know your names. works.
I pray you find everything you want. you need even. go as far as finding your needs. and owning it. even. I pray you go that far.
I pray you hold it in your hands. I pray you look at it. I pray you know all the lines you look hard and study. I hope it’s familiar.
I pray you hold it close. I pray you hold it to your chest. I pray they are so close to your heart that they’re in sync with her beat.
I pray you taste it. I pray it’s colorful. I pray it splashes. I pray it rains gets you all wet. makes you cold. I pray they know how to make a fire even, I pray warmth is present for you.
I pray you have them all. I pray you are holding it all in the palm of your sweet famously called kind hands. I pray, I pray it hits you. hard. when you’re unprepared even, that would be best. when you’re warm and cozy guards down. I pray you look down to everything your handholds and it’s all nothing. I pray they are all nothing. complete utter nothing.
this is what this all has all been for me. nothing. complete nothing
this is what you are to us, Amara and all the people who live in this body. complete nothing.
this is not one of those places you touch and it stays. you didn’t come in you didn’t touch. you won’t stay
go on in your life don’t fucking permit yourself a thought of me. I chose that you don’t think of me. and if you do. you are going against my choice
be your life. and Amen.’
I kept quiet and tried hard to move on with my life. One day I woke up and Amara’s followers were in my DMs, calling me all sorts of names. I didn’t know what was going on until my friends told me Amara had made a video about our relationship. I couldn’t watch the video for weeks. When I would hang out with Bibi and Kelly, people would send me messages, mention me in comments saying I was trying to break Bibi and Kelly up the way I tried with Amara. Amara was spinning these stories and letting her followers come to my page to bully me. This was a person that harmed me in so many ways and I was literally just trying to heal. But she wasn’t done harming me, she needed to show me that even if I left her, she could still harm me while we were apart.
She made video after video, in one of them, she even used my picture as a thumbnail. Amara didn’t need to do that. That wasn’t necessary but she knew it would be great clickbait. She didn’t care about how I was being traumatised by the entire situation. All that mattered to her was using me, a human being with feelings as clickbait. Still, I never said a word. But I’ve always known that abusers bank on your silence and I knew that was what was going on here.
Two days ago, someone told me she had made another one. I went to watch it and I was livid. The way this babe twisted and manipulated the entire story. I immediately reached out to her and told her to keep my name out of her mouth. I’ll share the screenshot.
This is the last I will say about this. This babe has harmed me in s0000 many ways and I desperately want to move on and heal from that entire experience. I’m only sharing this because I woke up to see this babe gaslighting and victim blaming me in her videos. Blaming me for loving her, for spending my money, for leaving the comfort of my 3-bedroom apt to come and suffer in her studio apt where she had no light. She went on to say I did that to escape my life. Lol.
I’m honestly so glad she made those videos this morning. You all can see the type of person she is.”
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